It's about 4 in the am right now and I can't sleep. My sleeping schedule has been all out of whack since I left TASP. So this is my first real post. Here goes...
I've been so busy since I got back; school, band, PALs, family, friends. It seems like right after I got back I was sucked into my old routine against my will. I have so much responsibility here and so many people expect so much of me. I just feel like I'm not ready to take on everything so fast and I feel like all of these things are trivial now. And after being castigated by a friend for apparently shirking from my responsibilities, I just couldn't take it anymore. When I left for TASP I couldn't fathom leaving High School, I loved my life and all my friends and I truly believed that it couldn't get any better. Then TASP came along and all of you guys rocked my sox. Now my life back at home is unfulfilling. I feel almost as if I am just going through the motions rather than actually loving what it is I do.
TASP has definitely changed me, whether it is in a good or bad way I can't really tell.
My mom tries to understand, so do my friends, and I love all of them to death, but they just cant. After meeting all of you guys it feels like many of my friendships back here are extremely superficial. In the 6 weeks that I spent with you guys I got to know you and you all got to know me much better than most of my friends here ever will. My mom says that my TASP friendships and my friendships here at home cannot be compared since they are different levels of amnesty. But how does one go from an amazing, stimulating environment back to a humdrum, mediocre existence? If anyone can help me with this it would be very much appreciated.
I was so busy that I really hadn't gotten a chance to step back and disentangle all my feelings about the greatness that was TASP. But Sunday I finally got the chance to. I cried for the first time since I had gotten home. It was great.
At times it feels as if TASP never really happened. Almost like it was all a big dream; a delirious vision that I can never explain to anyone around me. Things haven't changed much here, and it feels like for the lucky few of us who can call ourselves 2006 Cornell TASPers, we were given a miraculous and rare opportunity. One where time stood still just for us- allowing us to travel to a beautiful city where we formed our own Utopian existence, if only for 6 weeks. Now that I am back it pains me to think that we will never again live under the same roof. Even if many of us are accepted into the House, it will never be the same. For now we will have our sacred memories and this blog to stay in touch. So we should take full advantage of that! And we should all do whatever it takes to make sure that a year from now we have the greatest reunion ever! (We should make committees haha)
Well guys, I'm sorry this was such a long and depressing post, but I feel really good having written it- It has been therapeutic in a way. If any of you can relate to my feelings in any way, or if you have any advice over how to get over my TASP blues I would love to hear from you.
Much Love,
-Alberto
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1 comment:
hehe, my sleeping schedule is right on the money. I'm crazy-adaptable like that. "When I left for TASP I couldn't fathom leaving High School, I loved my life and all my friends and I truly believed that it couldn't get any better. Then TASP came along and all of you guys rocked my sox. Now my life back at home is unfulfilling. I feel almost as if I am just going through the motions rather than actually loving what it is I do." Holy crap, that's exactly how I feel, though nearing my departure, I was feeling a desperate need for change.
Like I said, this is Post-TASP-Depression. Someone call Brooke Shields!! *runs in ellipses*
Catharsis, my friend. This is catharsis and it's good for the soul. The house will never ever be the same thing as TASP, but it will at least be a step closer to what it once was.
Dangit. Now I want to blog again.
Alberto. I miss you and love you and think you frickin rule. And I'll be mailing your letter, like, tomorrow. <3
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